God knows!

I really wasn’t expecting these kind of questions when I signed up to this……

I’m gathering now that this is some kind of public self exploratory exercise…

“One thing I’m proud of?”

To be honest, there are so many things I’m proud of. I’m lucky that way I guess. But, that does have a lot to do with being proud of even the teensiest things. I’m a huge believer in goal setting.  Even little things, like getting up, brushing my teeth, and taking a multi-vitamin make me feel like a hero some days. Simple things people!

So, I’ll stick to the first big “thing” that comes to mind.

That’s my relationship with Andrew.

I know, I know, it’s not the most exciting “thing”, but it is the most important.

(I always worry about tempting fate in these kinds of situations.  Now I’ve declared it, there’ll be a knock on the door from Andrew’s secret Asian love children, or I’ll be sent a recording of an illicit orgy between Andrew and three tall Swedish blonde women who feed him olives…I have no idea where these ideas come from! Or that I’m just one of 800 other women who have been duped into thinking that “she’s the one” – alas I may never know!)

Come to think about it. I don’t really know why I’m so proud of this relationship.

It’s not like we are a “perfect” couple, if any such thing exists.  Far from it.

Actually, what does “proud” even mean anyway?

I’ve just checked.

Google says it’s a feeling of:

“deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated“.

I guess I feel “deep pleasure” by being “closely associated” with Andrew.

I’m not sure why though ha ha ha ha!

I know I love the guy more than anything in the world. On some days I think he’s the most amazing man that ever walked the earth. That’s right Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, you heard me!

Actually come to think of it, I am obviously deluded.

He’s not perfect. He takes the words “laid back” to another level which drives me up the wall!

He isn’t romantic in ways that most women would find acceptable. He can be thoughtless, and selfish.  He has always been unable to think more than 3 (three) months ahead, a trait that I regrettably seemed to have developed, and has caused plenty of friction.

We are for the most part very different. But, do have a shared sense of values, some common interests, and similar political opinions, which helps.  I don’t think I could ever have a serious relationship with a fascist, or someone with crazy allergies.

He’s good looking and has a decent body for a 40 year old that rarely exercises. Although to be fair – he was bordering on obese when we first got together. I have no idea how I found him that attractive back then, or to be honest, how I avoided getting squashed! He was massive compared to the puny sized man he is now!

He’s also one of the kindest, most caring, and calm human beings I’ve met, and can be quite witty when he wants to be – something I’ve never mastered.

He cheers me up, he makes me laugh, he’s a great friend, (all qualities I can get from a dog, I’ve been known to say when we’ve had issues, but let’s not dwell!).

He’s useful to have around. He takes the bins out, which I really appreciate! (A dog couldn’t that).

And he likes details, like making sure we have passports or that the rent gets paid.  Things I never seem to think about.

He’s generous and extremely supportive, and I have a deep respect for who he is, (when I’m not behaving like a crazy bitch – which fortunately doesn’t happen that often. Anymore anyway!).

I think most of the things I’m proud of have involved a struggle of some kind.

All relationships are hard. For me anyway. And the one with Andrew has been no different.

We’ve been through some pretty horrific times. And some great ones too.

I’ve been with Andrew for almost 11 years. I still can’t quite get my head around that. That’s more than a decade.

That’s a THIRD of my life.

WOW!

Much has changed in that time, including ourselves. We’re definitely not the same people who got together all those years ago. And I’m proud that we’ve managed to find our way together through all those changes.

And maybe that’s the only reason I am proud of it. Putting up with someone for that long.  That’s been hard – for both of us!

The boredom.

I’m joking!

Our relationship didn’t get off to the smoothest of starts.  We were both learning what it was like to be in a serious relationship.

He was old and Australian. I was young and naive, and scared of complicating an otherwise serenely happy living situation.  We met as housemates.  Picked to moved in within a week or so of each other by Emma, Scott and Breenie. Friends who will forever be known as the people who have given me the most important person in my life.

We’ve always lived together as a result. It was intense, and convenient at least. It saved time, which was great back then.  I was working crazy hours and would hardly have seen him otherwise. Actually, had we not been living together, I seriously doubt whether we would have lasted those first few months.

There’ve been many times since then where I’ve been on the verge of leaving, and have tried.  Those times were horrible, but we’ve always made it through, he always came after me.

As you do when you’ve just started a new job, I asked my new manager who has been with her husband for over 18 years for the secret to a successful relationship. She told me  that it was communication. And also, she said, paraphrasing good old Gwyneth Paltrow, how at least one person in the relationship has to be willing to fight for it.  Without that, it’s over. I think that’s true.