What was interesting was the comments that followed. Some argued that the trainee was within his rights – why should the trainee stay if he wasn’t getting paid. It was the surgeon’s job to manage the list so that they could finish on time – it wasn’t the trainee’s problem.

Maybe the trainee had an important commitment, an event he had to go to, a flight to catch, or children to collect from nursery. (Although the surgeon insisted that the trainee was going to the pub…).

People started arguing about whether leaving to collect children from nursery was acceptable, while leaving to spend time in other ways was not.  Was the time of people who chose not to have children less precious?

Older doctors started going on about how the youth of today have no work ethic and don’t know how lucky they are with working hour regulations. (Old doctors – you also don’t know how lucky you were having a free university education, grants to live on, and affordable housing…).

Ten years ago I would have undoubtedly called the trainee a prick for letting down his team and being so selfish.

When I read the thread recently though, I could see why the surgeon was pissed, but felt myself leaning towards the trainee. If the trainee wanted to leave, he was in his rights to do so, especially if he wasn’t technically putting anyone’s life at risk. (I have no idea how many other team members there were or what duties the trainee had).  Sure the trainee may be letting the team down, but he would be aware, I assume, of the negative affect the move would have on his reputation, and that was his prerogative.

We also don’t know what was going on in the trainee’s life, or whether he had cleared leaving with someone else beforehand. The trainee may have already worked 80 hours that week, or be rushing to the pub, or to see a sick relative, or be feeling ill himself and unfit to continue in which case he was being responsible.

Having said all that – I did find myself in hospital a few weeks later faced with a grumpy junior doctor, (we had waited 6 hours to see), who was complaining about how they should have finished work 45 minutes ago at 6pm, and didn’t have time to  help us by answering 1-2 questions. I was not impressed by them, (or their reaction to being called to an emergency elsewhere). I know I should be more understanding (see above), but my instinctive reaction was – dude, when I was training, I worked 24 hour days, so you can take an extra 5 minutes to do your job properly. So, I can see where the surgeon was coming from…

Use contraception and it’s best to have children when you’re older

Many people argue that it’s not a good idea to have kids in your teens/early twenties. The older you are, the more likely it is that you will have some security, an established career allowing you more time with your children, giving them a better upbringing, and you may even appreciate having them more.

For most people it’s necessity – loaded with debt, and unable to buy property, people are getting married later and don’t feel comfortable having children until they are “settled”.

But witnessing the difficulties that almost everyone I know has experienced in trying to conceive, even in their late twenties, and the emotional toll and financial and physical stresses of IVF – if you want children, you should be trying as early as possible.

I also don’t know if most people ever really need to use contraception given how difficult it seems to get pregnant.

If you’re in a committed relationship and want children, don’t procrastinate. It doesn’t matter what situation you’re in, whether your work has a good maternity policy, or how it will affect your career, or other goals.

There are countless joys associated with having kids, even if it turns out to be the hardest thing you will ever do. Bringing up children is the most important thing you will probably ever do, and the easiest way to give your future meaning and direction for the rest of your life.

There appears to be a lot we don’t know about conception. It seems to be an imprecise science which we don’t fully understand. Two friends of mine were recently told that it was impossible for them to get pregnant even with IVF, when unbeknown to them, my friend was already pregnant! We can put man on the moon, yet we can’t necessarily make two people have their own children.

And, the longer you leave it, the higher the probability that it will never happen. Procrastinating is a hedge against unknown factors outside of your control. It’s playing Russian roulette with a crucial part of your future.

Sure, you can assess the risk by checking hormone and sperm levels, your ovarian reserve, or get your eggs frozen, but rarely does anyone do that. Having that information may not help you get pregnant either.

There will never be a perfect time to have children, and I’ve never met anyone, (other than people who had children when they were super young), who wish they had waited until they were older. On the contrary, most people wish they would have had children when they were younger, and regret waiting so long before trying.

Working from home is amazing

I used to think that this was what I wanted and what was best for me. Having now worked a lot from home, I know now, that’s not the case.

Granted, I am often more productive at home, and save a lot of time not having to commute. But, I also crave being around people, and value the benefits of face to face interactions. I learn a lot whenever I’m in the office mostly, from osmosis and serendipitous encounters.

For me, it’s more important to have the flexibility and freedom to get work done on my own schedule as opposed to fitting into random office hours and doing so in the location that makes the most sense. It’s also about creating an office environment where people want to work and having great colleagues that you want to see.

Being angry or complaining is bad

I generally try to be optimistic and I am a fan of positive psychology. I grew up in a fairly angry and aggressive environment and could be pretty volatile as a kid. (Incidentally, it turns out – according to 23andMe, I carry a gene that many violent criminals have. Which makes sense considering certain people in my family. I assume that gene is currently turned off or badly expressed in me. Or, maybe it’s a ticking time bomb, and I’m a psychopath waiting to crack – who knows…)

I don’t think I calmed down until I escaped, and gained a degree of control over my life. Meeting Andrew, one of the most peaceful men I’ve ever met, also helped.

After that, I didn’t get people who were angry and walked around making other people miserable – who did these people with emotional issues think they were? I also have a few friends who consider anger and sadness to be really bad emotions, to the extent that I would feel ashamed if I ever felt them.

We’re all human and it’s natural to feel anger when someone upsets or harms you. Raging, becoming bitter, aggressive, or violent, and dwelling on past hurt – not so much. But I think there is value in acknowledging when you feel angry, and trying to express or deal with it in a healthy way, as opposed to telling yourself that you’re not angry, which I don’t think is beneficial for anyone.

Money is not important

I’ve rarely been materialistic and still struggle with buying things for myself, (unless it’s sunglasses or camera or electronic equipment – I don’t know why).

I’ve always strived to earn as much money as possible, mainly to pay off student debts and to see the world. I didn’t really care for anything material and always focused on experiences.

Maybe I’m getting old, but I think there is something to be said about having nice things.

I was never taught anything about money and got into a lot of financial trouble when I was younger. It wasn’t until I recently read Money: Master the Game by Tony Robbins and a few other books, that I learnt anything about managing finances.

I always thought that all those benefits that came with a permanent job were overrated, and if I ever needed money, I would just find a way to earn it.

Trouble is, you really do need money. Ideally vast reserves of it, plus assets that you can leverage. You don’t know what will happen in the future, and it’s money that will look after the people you love, pay for healthcare if you’re sick, keep you from going homeless, and give you comfort and security if something goes wrong.

Money can’t fix everything, but it gives you options that you may not have otherwise. It can make your life a lot easier, reduces precious time being wasted, and takes away a lot of stress.

There is nothing more important than family

For a lot of people, family is a bunch of random individuals to which they find themselves accidentally related. I think this is why so many families are dysfunctional. Invariably, these randoms have wildly different values, opinions, personalities and interests. And these people – who may never choose to willingly interact with each other under any other circumstances, are thrown into situations where they feel obliged to try and socialise. And, on top of that, are expected to love each other… No pressure…

Of course this isn’t always the case. I know lots of people who are genuinely close to their families, (at least some members, if not all). They get on, care, support, and love each other, and sometimes even have similar interests or values.

There’s a general expectation that family members will care about, and love one another, purely because of blood ties. But, in reality, regardless of what people say, many don’t.  Just like you wouldn’t necessarily care or love someone that you were put into a project group with at work. Even someone you may have worked with for over a decade, and probably have spent more time with than any family member.

This has been one painful lesson for me this year. It’s a bit like when you’re friends with someone and you know deep down that you probably value them as a friend more than they do you, but you didn’t want to acknowledge that fact, and then something tough happens in your life, and you want some support, but your friend is like, “dude – I love you, but we is not like best friends or nothing”, and quietly walks away while you lie on the ground bleeding.

It’s never easy accepting that people you care about don’t feel the same way. I guess it’s dealing with rejection, and the realisation that a large investment of time and energy could have been better placed.

You can still enjoy the company of these people. Just don’t take it personally. Accept the relationship and the person for what they are, and don’t have any expectations.